I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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