My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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