i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
