2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
