So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
