I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Never underestimate the power of titties
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
