I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
