What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize