I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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