I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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