Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
