did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
