Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
