dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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