My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
