so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
