need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
