bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
