We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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