rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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