Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
