why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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