Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
