Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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