I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
