swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
