I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
