break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
