...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
