True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
