ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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