i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
