we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
