I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
