He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
