bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
