Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm bleeding and have questions
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
