Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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