I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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