so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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