So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
