Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
