ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
