Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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