You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
