Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
