I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
