when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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