sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
