Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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