Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
